Confessions: The Awkward Files

 

Confessions. The Awkward files

Even though it wasn't a Saige Wisdom Obsessions link up I have a compulsive need to write one in response to her confessions. One would say I've been obsessed as life continues to provide material for this topic so here she goes:

Here's a warm up. I am currently sitting in my truck in front of starbucks blogging.. ya I'm that person, and in addition to my computer being on the fritz my cell phone went today. dammit! computer, phone, boots (see below), saddle, tattoo, camper renovations... I might need to get a job

1. Imagine this; you go to the laundromat to clean a tonne of clothes. You chat up the lady, who is wearing a pink t-shirt and has almondey white hair – older gal. You get your quarters and go to work. Leave to get coffee/veg out in front of computer. Upon your return to switch over to dryers she appears to be watching tv in the ‘waiting lounge’ with her pink shirt on. Move your clothes and ask her if the 42 on the machine means 42 minutes while you run outta there. She says I don’t know, I don’t use the dryers. She’s a frickin customer!!! What are the chances that the laundromat lady’s twin would show up to do laundry wearing the same outfit as the lady?!?! oops…. What do you do? pretend that you knew she was just a customer and say oh ok I’ll just pretend that it does then! in an awkward and too-cheerful tone and exit the scene.

2. You decide today’s a good day to clean the bathroom. Upon entering and gazing into the bottom of the tub you hear ‘what the fuck?’ and realize that this came out of your mouth. For some reason it is a disgusting brown-scum mess. Turns out the sink is suffering the same condition. You use these facilities every day and didn’t realize the extent of the damage?! WTH?!

Turns out, you had to get your copper scouring pad from the kitchen to get that shit off. n.a.s.t.y.

You also appreciate the guy/gal who in the ‘80s made the executive decision to go with cream instead of white. 

3. You have a super fun awesome riding lesson for the first time at your new barn. You go to write a check at the end of it all and misspell the trainer’s last name because you are reading a poster with someone else’s similar but different name on it. Look for another cheque – nope that was your last one. What are the odds?! Ok well you cross it out and try to spell it again but you’ve written Niki… not Nicole. Ok third time’s a charm… you go for it and write the business name. This must be happening to you because you are supposed to write the business name. This cheque looks like a bank’s worst nightmare. put it in an envelope and write an explanation on the front, add in a bit of a joke so she will still like you. Next day rush to the bank and get cash because you really don’t think this cheque is really going to work out. Realize it’s your lucky day, she didn’t pick up the cheque today. Dig it out of the locked box by artfully using a pen to grab the flap of the envelope and then pinch it between the pen and pen lid while you delicately lift the envelope up through the slot. Remove cheque, insert cash, draw an x over previous joke and write new one. aaaahhh. That’s better.

umm what is with spell-check not letting me spell cheque??

4. My riding boots have fungus in them. I learned this a few years ago and shortly after stopped riding for a while and didn’t wear them often… so obviously kept them but forgot about the little problem. Well, I’m wearing them a lot again and SHIT. Goodbye my favourite boots – you are as comfy as slippers and as classy as… well not that classy but still. I really enjoyed wearing you until you rashed my legs.Ya. Awkward.

5. You've started hanging out with another 'roadie' (road wife) while traveling with your husbands paving crew every few days. Sometimes she will just shout 'woohoooo' at random intervals, and then return to silence. Like say the two of you are driving and listening to the radio, or just devoured a large pizza, or she's going to the bathroom in her camper while you enjoy your drink outside. The funny thing is you know it should wierd you out but you kind of like it. In fact, you've started doing it when you are hanging out with your husband and it is super fun! Especially because it wierds him out. 

WOOOOHOO